Looking for jobs sucks…

Wow I have been applying for jobs since the weekend I was let go from my job, and to be perfectly honest, this sucks.  The worst of it is that people take for ever to contact people, that is if they even decide to contact people.  What is so hard about telling people you do not want them to work for you>  We are always being taught in school that we have to be professional, but in my opinion the most unprofessional thing to do is to not tell someone: thank you for your time, but at the moment we are not interested in you.  The least they can do is write, at least a NO. 

I applied for the City of Houston jobs FOUR MONTHS AGO and I have not heard anything.  I constantly check the website and it states that application is pending, but when it is not pending it is “filled”.  What was so hard about contacting the applicants and telling them no.  We have so much technology that the least people/ companies can do is send a mass e-mail telling people the position is filled.  We have more and more technology, and people become more and more lazy.  Isn’t that a contradiction for the purpose of technology?! 

It makes me mad that people out there are ready to work and do something for this already sucky economy, and people act like this.  Companies should me more responsible for their actions if they want things to look up.  It is us that make these people who they are, we are the consumers… have they forgotten that. 

I just want someone to tell me yes or no.  Is that too much to ask for in this sucky economy?

Goodnight…

Yesterday was a great night because I did not know if I wanted to go or not.  I am always like that.  I say I want to do something and when it comes time to do it I do not want to go anymore, but I have to force myself to go, and when I go I am so glad I went because I had a great night.  And last night was a great night.  Yesterday, Houston had whether we only dream about in the Summer.  It was not hot and it was not cold.  It was just a great night (if we could only do something about the mosquitos and the roaches in Houston).  The breeze in the air was so gentle that when it hit your face it was as if God was embracing you with his touch.  We did not want to leave Jason’s Deli.  We sat and talked for hours about out childhood, things that grossed us out (like blood and needles), even about cultural things. 

It makes you wonder how many people have taken this same journey...

The couple I hung out with is a great couple.  They are newly-weds and they are amazing people.  I can just tell how much they love each other, and with that love they pass it on to others around them.  I just have such a peace about hanging out with them that time just flies by when I hang out with them.  I enjoy this couple because they enjoy some of the same things I like. 

For one, they love to take pictures.  They, just like I am, are learning about photography.  I love to take pictures and capture what is sometimes overlooked.  We went around downtown and took pictures of buildings, flowers, and anything that caught our eye.  It was great, and some great shots were taken.  At the end of the photo session, it was as if God provided a perfect last shot for a great nights work.  The moon was centered right in the middle of two light colored buildings and in the center was the Houston Symphony House.  The moon was the center attraction in that shot, and it knew it.  It stood bright and proud in between these grand buildings.  No matter how big those buildings looked, the moon seamed to take credit for that shot.  It was so addicting to keep on taking pictures.  We could not help but to wonder what were people doing in the building when it was so beautiful outside.  None the less it was a great night not to be forgotten.

Being the center of attention...

 Who do I owe the credit for this great night.  I believe that goes to my creator because he made me they way I am, and made people they way they are.  So unique and special that when he brings us together it is like an expression of His love.

Looking… for what?

There have been times where I do not even know what I am looking for anymore.  I struggle with so many things.  I have so much time to think and wrestle with my own demons.  I think that the thing I wrestle with the most is the idea of materialism.  We live in a society that is so consumed with the idea of accumulating many toys, because “he/she who dies with the most toys wins”, and that is not who I want to be.  But part of me does.  I want to have those things I did not have while I was growing up. 

I remember when I was a child my mom would load all five of us into our red Nissan and buy one snow cone (valued at 50 cents) and we would all share that one snow cone because that is all she could afford.  I am sure she could have bought more, but it was either eat more color flavored shaved ice or eat something filling for the day.  Those are some of the most treasured memories of my childhood that I believe formed me, but I would not want my possible children to go though that.  Or do I?

Part of me wants to give my kids those things I did not have, but I do not want to spoil them rotten.  I want to have nice things but I also do not want to complicate my life by killing myself to acquire things.  

I would much rather travel.  I would much rather go to heaven knowing that I saw the world and all the things God created with his great might.  I would much rather have a conversation with a stranger and photograph part of his journey.  My birthday is coming up and I think I am going to ask for a camera.  I want to start my own photography business.  I want to start a gallary for myself and also photograph couples.  There is nothing better than capturing a new love that is stress free.  I do not do weddings because the one time I did was a nightmare because you have to deal with the family.  Sometimes it is not even the bride that is demanding, but the family of the couple that want this or that and they cant get through their heads that it is not their day.  But I enjoy capturing the unseen and the un-captured by the human eye because we are so busy consuming and working in order to consume.  So if you have any tips please share, especially as I prepare to buy a camera.

Today was a bland day.  I have a lead into a possible job.  It is through an organization that helps families and does great work with them.  I am also waiting to hear from the Boy Scouts.  I interviewed with them and they are waiting from headquarters.  I think it would be a great opportunity, but I have to pray about what should I pursue the most.  One offers a better pay but a greater challenge.  I am all about the challenge, but if I am going to get paid more than I want to be compensated for that.  And this is where my materialism challenge comes in.  I worked so hard in school to get paid well.  I have so much dept because of it and I want to do something with my life besides pay debt.  I don’t even know what I want anymore.

What I don want is to do something I love.  Something where I am constantly with people and doing something for them.  I want to do someting besides sitting at home watching day time shows and evening programs.  I do not even know what to look for anymore…

Story night…

Today was a slow day that turned out to be a great night.  I am still looking for a job and a former supervisor said she found a shirt that reminded her of me that said, “Just graduated from college… can I take your order?”  That is super funny and applicable to me and the thousands of college students who are looking for jobs in this cruel and unforgiving economic world.  I have a lot of time to think and there are a lot of things I want to do with my life, and one of them is going to culinary school.  But one thing I am still passionate about is photography and some friends from life group (a small group that gets together to pray, study the Bible and fellowship) and I are planning on getting together to take pictures of random stuff.

At life group one of the members said her story and it was amazing.  I could completely relate to a lot of things she said because we have similar backgrounds.  I cannot say it on this blog because that is personal and we vowed not to say anything outside of the group.  But it was really refreshing to see and hear someone become so vulnerable for the sake of the group.

Days like today make me question whether or not I question God or not, but I really want to be wise.  I want to be a person that seeks God in the midst of all things.  But how can I be humble when I have trained myself to be proud of who I am.  How to I re-train myself for something else?  How do I get away from my routine of laziness in the midst of unemployment?  I don’t think I will get that answer by watching Ellen (even though she is hilarious and I love her show) and Friends at midnight.  I have to dig into my faith, into the words of wisdom, the Bible.  And through reaching out to people who want to invest in me and I should make an effort to invest in them.  I need to become humble so I can bring honor to my God and people along the way.

Holy Conversation…

Wow, I can honestly say that I have been honored this semester because of this project.  First, this project gave me an opportunity to talk to one of my best friends on a weekly basis.  Through talking with Randy I have had the pleasure to develop the relationship that has been there since we were first graders.  It has been such a pleasure to develop that relationship through getting to know him and knowing his heart.  I cannot say that I would have taken the initiative to know him like this if it were not because of the Holy Conversation project.  Secondly, I got to know Randy for the person he is, not a Buddhist, but as Randy the guy that follows the philosophies of Buddha.  I was amazed at how far Randy has come along in his personal faith.  I am honored to have him as a friend and as a dedicated scholar who challenges me in my faith.

I realize that Randy was not converted through this project, and that was not my intention.  My intention was to have a relational conversation with a good friend in order to be challenged in my faith and in hopes that I too could challenge him in his.  My experience throughout this project was amazing and very rewarding because I feel that for the first time in my graduate studies I was actually forced and challenged to be relational.  I intentionally chose to have a conversation partner that was not of the Christian faith because I wanted to know and be challenged by others that are not like me.  I wanted to be exposed to what I will be exposed to when I am in the real world and I do not have the shelter of ACU and my Christian friends.  I wanted to know what the things were that I lacked in my faith when it came time to defend it.  This project was not to pin point the weaknesses of Buddhism or Randy’s faith, but to expose myself to someone that does not see the world through my eyes.  In a sense I wanted to make myself vulnerable to a friend in hopes that we would both be on the same level.  This project was not about supremacy of religion, but about sharing what I know to be true about with a friend in hopes that she too would share what is true to him.

Peace states that “holy conversation is just that, conversation.  It happens between people who know and respect each other”.  And I truly believe that we have achieved this in our time of conversation.  This project has taught me that I am not to have a pre-conceived goal in mind when I am trying to have a conversation with a person because that takes away from the authenticity of the moment.  I think that having goals when trying to talk to someone, especially about your beliefs, one has the pressure to talk about all the topics in the agenda versus having a genuine time that both parties can enjoy and benefit from.  I do not have any goals in mind for the future when I talk to people about Christ, but I have learned that it is a much more amazing journey when we allow ourselves to learn from others and hear them out.  I think there is a lot to learn from those that are not Christians because they see the world from a different point of view.  “Conversation is more often about life and experience than about concepts and ideas, though there are some key ideas that need to be talked about since they shape and guide experience”. 

A good thought to keep in mind is what Peace says, “To be a good conversation partner it’s important to remember the rules of conversation.  be kind and generous.  Enjoy dialogue.  Expect different views.  Be clear in what you say.  Be honest.  Know that conversation takes place over time.  Try to be compelling in what you sat about Jesus but not manipulative.  Tell stories – lots of stories: stories about him, stories about yourself and stories about God.  To be a good conversation partner you have to take seriously the worldview and the experience of your friends.  Your aim is not to demean, deny or disregard their experience or perspective.  Likewise you need to take seriously your own experience and knowledge, and not mute or alter it.  Remember it isn’t you who converts people.  It is the Holy Spirit.  Your role is to be clear, forthright, honest and knowledgeable”.

I have enjoyed my time of conversation and there are many things I learned that I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life.  I have been truly blessed with friends like Randy that I can call up and we can have an awesome conversation about noting and at other times challenge each other in our faith and personal lives.  To close this project I think Peace summarizes it better than I can by stating that “holy conversation is as much an attitude to conversation as anything.  It’s the willingness in our daily conversation to be open about our faith and honest about our experience of God”. 

I am grateful and blessed because of holy conversations with such a friend as Randy.  It has been a great time my friend!

Talking about Commitment…

I would like to start this post by being personal about my faith because it is essential not only for the grade I will receive on this project, but for the readers that might be going through some of the same experiences I have gone through.  Commitment to something or someone is such a great thing, but it is also something that takes a lot of work and dedication.  Commitment comes with relationship because one is accountable to the other for the process and the outcome.  Peace points out various questions that are important to talk about as we talk about our conversion and commitment experiences with others that I think are very helpful and direct us through the right direction in our faith.  I found it challenging and helpful to think about some of the questions and answers.

“What did your “act of commitment” to Jesus look like?  Or how did you know that you had at that point become a follower of Jesus?”
My act of commitment was not something forced, but was something about faith.  The fact that I am committed to Christ and obedience to God the Father does not mean that I do not have a life.  A lot of people view Christians as lifeless and boring because they think that we lose the ability to live in society, but on the contrary.  When I gave my life to God and committed to live in obedience was the first time that I truly knew what it was to live.  It was no longer me living a pointless life, but God living through me in a way that everything I did had a purpose and point for doing.  Believing in Jesus did not come with fireworks and a big party, but it was more of a personal thing I did.  My commitment to Jesus Christ was something I decided on my own and wrestled with for a long time.  The relationship I have with Christ is one of faith and trust.  I knew that I had become a follower of Christ because I longed to live in obedience to God and the standards for my life.  This does not mean that I immediately became a prisoner of Christ or God, but I decided to live in humility and submission to God.  It was no longer me living a life of selfishness but about a life of relationship and community with Christ and the body of believers.

For Randy describes his commitment to his faith as discipline.  Randy finds that it that his commitment to his faith and how he lives out the philosophies of Buddha are best kept though the discipline of his actions and how he keeps himself accountable.  The act of committing to the faith was not something that came with a big revelation or a big celebration, but it was something of realization.  It was at a point in his life that Randy really connected with the philosophies of Buddha, which were things he had always thought about, but now his ideas had a name and a source.  It was not a “conversion” Randy had to go through, but a realization.  I would not say that Randy has changed to a new religion, but into a new way of life.  His way of life just happens to be in correlation with the Buddhist traditions because he is able to find connection and relevance for his life.  Now, Randy lives in accordance to the “Four Noble Truths”.
     1.  There is suffering in this world
     2.  Desire is the cause of suffering
     3.  You can stop suffrage in this world
     4.  The way is through following the Eight Fold Pathways

“What does “conscious commitment” bring to a person’s life?  Why is it important?”
I think that conscious commitment is a genuine and rational agreement with an individual and their God to live a life of obedience and love.  We are not called to be robots (and it is important for all people to understand this) because God does not want mechanical things to worship him.  But God desires human beings that genuinely have a desire to worship to enter into a commitment with God.  A conscious commitment comes when one comes to the realization that they need something else in their lives.  The commitment comes when they realize that they cannot have hope without something or someone to hold on to, and to me that is Christ.  To have a conscious commitment is important because that commitment becomes a lifestyle that takes effort and sacrifice.  Living a committed life to Christ means giving up a lot of things and adopting others.  The life is not about self pleasure but about community building that leads people to Christ.  It is much easier to live a life of selfish pleasures without giving account to anyone, but that leads to self destruction.  So a conscious commitment means that one is intentional in changing their lives in order to live for something better… a cause.

Conscious commitment for Randy brings about truth.  Truth is anything one is looking for to find meaning for their lives.  Truth for individuals are those things that bring about desired results and personal goals.  For some people that conscious commitment brings about knowledge, peace, and even the hope of salvation.  A conscious commitment is important because people are doing it for the right reasons.  They are not committing to something or someone because it is something out of culture or tradition, but because they genuinely know what they are getting themselves into.  Commitment is something that is born of them and it is an expression of their true self.

My experience of coming to Christ was not about a prayer.  My conversion was not a magical thing marked by “sinners prayer”, but about a desire to have a relationship with God who is superior than I am.  An individual who sees things from a postmodern point of view would see this as mechanical, but my conversion was about building a relationship with Jesus Christ in which through him I have access to the Father.  My journey that led me to Christ was not an easy one, but now that I am a follower of Christ I am truly grateful that God sought me because if it was left up to me I would have never had a relationship with Christ that I have today.  I do not know the exact day or time of when I considered myself a follower of Christ, but I know that I truly love my God because he is so evident in my life and in the lives of others.  As much as I fought him in the past, God just kept on coming back and seeking me out. 

I look back at the way my life used to be and I am truly grateful that I can have a relationship with Christ because my life has never been the same.  I am not saying that my life has been easy since I became a follower of Christ (just look at the grad school program I am in) but my life has had more meaning and purpose since.  The commitment I have with God is not one based on fear or shame, but of constant edification.  I love worshiping God because God is everything I am not.  I have no desire to be like God, but I do long to be obedient to him.  Many postmodern thinkers might say that living under the rules of a “god” is no life at all because one cannot define what is bad, sin, or even what is a good rule.  But the way I see my God is not through a modern or postmodern point of view because my God is beyond that.  My God is and was in control of the past, present and future.  Just look at creation and you will realize that there is a Creator, and that Creator longs to have a relationship with humanity. 

People sometimes get too caught up in rituals and “rights of passage”, but Christianity is not about that.  Randy and I grew up Catholics and the majority of our faith revolved around the idea that we had to do certain things in order to prove out faith and loyalty to the faith, which discouraged us both about what we believed.  So much that it left a sour taste in Randy’s mouth about what it means to be a Christian.  For me, Christianity and my faith is not about what I do or do not do in order to prove my faith, but it is about a relationship with God.  Sure, there are things I desire to do in order to live in obedience to my faith but I do not think that I am called to live a ritualistic life that can become so mundane.  God wants authenticity and not a performance. 

We cannot force anyone to commit to anything or anyone they do not feel a connection with.  Instead, as Christians, we are to live a life of love and acceptance for those that do not share the same commitments as we do.  Christians have acquired a dangerous trait of judging.  But we are not to force them to live a life of commitment to a God they barely know, instead we are to live lives that are committed to praying for them and loving them regardless of what they believe.  God is ultimately in control, and we have to remember that we are not the ones that look for God, but God looks for us.  Christianity is not about numbers and results, but about relationships.

Talking about believing in Jesus…

I can tell that the end of the book is approaching because we have talked about some of the issues like believing in Jesus.  Randy and I have talked about the issue of believing in Jesus before and this is very delicate because I think that the idea of the “person of Jesus” has been greatly abused.  For me, believing in Jesus is the foundation of my faith.  Jesus is more than just a god to me.  Jesus is not an impersonal character I have heard about.  But Jesus is a personal friend that even though I cannot see Him I know he is there.  Jesus is the one individual in my life that I can count on unconditionally and I know he cares.  He is the one that lived a holy life for me (and you) because he knew he had to die for my sins.  He had to live a holy life in order to be sacrificed and offered as a payment for the sin of humanity.

I look at what I believe about Jesus in the sense of me being a criminal.  I can be serving my time and my lawyer comes up to me and tells me, “I know how to get you out of here and all you have to do is believe that it is possible.  I will serve your sentence, be locked up instead of you and you will be innocent not only before the courts but before everyone.  You will without blemish.  And all you have to do is believe!”  I see myself not as a sinner anymore, but as someone that has been redeemed by the blood of Christ.  His payment for me was collected when he died on the cross for the sins of humanity, and all we have to do is believe.  There is no payment, just faith and obedience.

In Randy’s life, his faith is completely different.  As you know, we were both raised in a Catholic home, but for Randy being a “Catholic” was the same as being a non-believer.  His life style was the same as those that did not practice the Christian faith.  Part of his life when he believed in Jesus was when he was a child, but he acclaims that to be out of innocence.  It was through his research and curiosity about other faiths that has challenged him to look outside of Christianity. 

Through talking with Randy I can tell that he has been through a lot and he has truly been challenged in his faith.  It is not that he is sheltering himself from being influenced by other religions, but that he is wanting to find out what it is exactly that he believes in.  Randy has always surrounded himself with people that have challenged his faith.  People like Juan, a Mormon who grew up Catholic.  When his father died he and his family converted to the Mormon faith.  Even though he has been a person that has always been involved in bad things, he has always kept his faith the best he can.  He is true to what he believes and he is loyal to what he believes as a Mormon.  James, a friend that grew up Catholic, but does not consider himself a “fanatic Catholic”.  James is someone that keeps the values and lives in accordance with his faith, but he is not one that is an “extremist” when it comes to his faith.  Alex on the other hand, is a friend who is also Catholic is the opposite of James.  Alex is one that claims the Catholic faith, but does not live the lifestyle of the faith, especially when it comes to women.

Above we had three great examples of how people see their faith and how they live it out according to what is “suitable” for them.  Like Peace points out that “what matters is not just that we believe but in what or in whom we believe.  Faith is not an abstract feeling.  Faith has a direction to it.”  Our faith can take us many places and lead us to do many things, but the important thing about believing in someone like Jesus Christ or even Buddha is that faith leads us to live in obedience.  Obedience is not necessarily “fanaticism” or being an “extremist”, but faith is about living in accordance with what our faith calls us out to live.  Believing in someone or something has its standards and process.  Faith is like being a child that you tell them to believe something and they believe.  That is what is so beautiful about being a child, because they believe without doubting.  It is not about being ignorant, but about believing something without explanation.

My faith in Jesus is not centered on fear, but on faith that he is the son of God and died for my sins and now I can find eternal life through him.  My faith is something I enjoy and am challenged by on a daily basis.  It is a relationship I have to learn to maintain and work to perfect.  For Randy, his faith is about living in happiness and knowledge, but that is what is good for him.  I want to meet people half way and learn from them and hopefully they can learn from me and my God.

Talking about Believing…

I like how Richard Peace starts the chapter off by saying, “Faith must be coupled with repentance for conversion to result.  It’s not enough to own our own sin, need, longing, failure, or aspiration for meaning.  That’s just the starting point.  From this inward recognition of our true state we need to turn outward to Jesus to save us.  This “turning to Jesus” is what is called faith.”  But I was thinking to myself, what about if this turning to someone was not Jesus?  What about if this turning to someone was to Buddha? What about if one believes in just Jesus?  What about if someone believes only in God the Father? 

The conversation with Randy concerning “believing” was a really interesting conversation.  Fist, I would like to thank Randy for helping me and working through these issues with me.  There have been a lot of times when we did not talk because we become so busy, but the aspect I enjoy about our time of conversations is that he is genuine in what we talk about and he does not sugar coat what he believes in.  I think these thoughts are coming into my mind because of the subject of “belief”.  Randy and I genuinely believe in what we are getting out of this project, but most of all we feel that our faith and beliefs are stronger because of it. 

Yesterday’s conversation was no exception to the ones we have had in the past.  Our conversation about “believing” went in a different direction than what I expected.  The book was a great guide for getting the conversation started and going, but once it got going it took a whole different direction.  The conversation went from talking about our belief in Buddhist principles to the belief in how the gospel should be and is being shared across the world.  Randy and I come from such similar worlds, but they are so opposite in a sense and we find a way to accept what each one believes without the urge to try and convert the other.  As much as we want the other person to believe what we believe because we perceive that to be the “truth” we are not shoving it down each others throats in order to get the other person to profess a new set of beliefs.

I thought that this conversation would be good if it was opened by knowing exactly what it is that Randy beliefs and I found out a lot of different things about his beliefs.  I was quickly reminded that we all go through different experiences in order to get to where we are in our faith.  We ended up talking about how each individual has to take a leap of faith in order to believe what they believe.  Our leaps of faith all look different and require different sacrifices and challenges, but none the less we still have to take a leap of faith in order to fully believe in something, like Christianity or the philosophies of Buddha. 

Our conversation led us to talking about who and what it is that we believe in.  What I was curious about was, what aspect of Buddha or Buddhism is it that Randy believes in?  My question derived from the thought of, why is it that he believes in Buddha over Christ?  Why is it so hard to believe in Christ and the gift of God for humanity?  Why Buddhism?  But when I was thinking about these questions I had to put myself in his shoes.  I am sure that he had to have thought the same things for Christians.  Why Christ?  Have you ever asked yourself that question?  Why do I believe what I believe?  Why do I choose to believe what I believe? 

So I asked Randy, why Buddha?

I got the most interesting response from Randy when I asked that question.  All this time I had thought that if someone believed in Buddha that they worshiped him as a god.  But according to Randy and his faith, when you choose to believe in Buddha, it does not necessarily mean that you worship him.  Buddha is not a god, but he was a person that existed and shared truths about life.  Buddha was not holy, he was just a person.  And this is where a lot of our differences in beliefs occur between Randy and myself.  I believe that Jesus Christ was a man that lived on earth, but he was the Son of God.  To me Jesus is the Son of God that came to earth and lived a holy and perfect life.  Jesus was willing to to die for the sins of humanity.  What is so special for me about Christ is that even if he died he resurrected on the third day and that is what makes him so amazing to me.  Christ is not someone that lived a good life and then died, but Christ is someone that lived  a holy life and conquered death.  To me, Christ is my savior and my king.

I understand when people think that God is a god of wrath, and a lot of it has to do with the “marketing” injustice we have done as Christians.  I believe that we have marketed the “idea of Jesus” (or even the “product of Jesus”) in a way that makes God seem like a god of wrath.  For those that are not followers of Christ, they perceive God to be someone that is constantly overlooking their every action because “all” humanity is bad.  And that is why so many people have taken the extra step to believe in something else.  In a sense, that is why Randy chose to believe in some other idea other than Christianity.  It is as if believing in Christianity took more of an effort than believing any other set of beliefs.

For Randy, the idea that we need salvation does not make sense.  The idea that we need a savior limits him to his happiness and the way he can live his life.  Randy lives a very individualistic life style (not in the sense of being selfish) and he sees Christianity puts a damper on the philosophy he has chosen for his life and how that leads him to happiness.  For a guy like Randy that was brought up in a Catholic home he has seen a lot of the politics that go on in the church, and a lot of those politics that we still see today have scarred Christianity for ever.  There are just too many politics involved in “custom” versus faith.  And it saddens me that people think that about my faith because I see how beautiful my faith is, but people cannot see that because of the marks “Christianity” has left behind.  It is not necessarily Christianity the one that has done harm, but the people within Christianity that have taken the faith to a whole new extreme.

One thing that we both agreed about is that within Christianity we tend to have a really good communal practice.  Christians tend to be very communal in the sense that we stand up for each other in issues that impact our faith.  As Christians we tend to ”clump” up and stick up for each other, but that can sometimes be to our own detriment.  Sometimes Christians are so grouped together that we do not allow others to come into our “faith circles” and we block them from seeing the light because of our attitude.  It is as if we force people to try and prove themselves before we allow them to come into our circle.  I think that for Randy, someone that is very much an individual personally and in his faith, the aspect that Christians are very communal has left Randy with a lot of uncertainty about the faith.  The fact that we are concerned about others can sometimes be perceived as being nosy.  While some people like having a faith that is communal, others enjoy a faith that is very individualistic.

The question: what difference does your faith in Jesus (philosophies of Buddhism) make you who you are, what you believe, how you trust and the way you live?  How can these realities become part of your holy conversation?  To me, my faith in Jesus gives me the values to which I am to live by.  I believe that as humans we are to live with limitations and standards for living or else we would not have a functional society.  I think that my beliefs have allowed me to look beyond myself and look for the needs of others.  The fact that I believe in Christ does not force me into a binding agreement that I feel obligated to behave or do certain things, but I want to do them because that is what brings joy into my life.  My faith in Jesus allows me to acquire some meaning for my life.  It is through what I believe that I am able to see things in a clearer sense.  It is when I put my faith in Christ that things and my faith start to make sense.  The standard Jesus placed for my life is good for me, not because I am settling for something I am not, but it gives me something to work for.  My life and what I do is not a forced relationship, but voluntary relationship of submission and dependence on a Creator.  For Randy, his beliefs in the philosophies of Buddha have allowed him to see things more clearly.

It is through the faith Randy has placed in the philosophies of Buddha that Randy feels he is able to understand how and why things happen.  It is through his faith that that he is able to understand this world.  I believe that an evident difference among faiths is that through my faith I want to be able to understand humanity, but for Randy his faith goal is to try and understand his world.  I am not too concerned about why things happen as much as I care about the people. 

I am not saying that we are completely different in what we believe, but what I got from my conversation with Randy is that we both have aspects in our faith about the other faith.  Even though we worship and believe in different things, we both believe in aspects that are very similar to the other.  I believe in things Randy talks about (just not in the philosophies of Buddha) and I am sure Randy believes things about Christianity.  I don’t think that our solution to so many religions is to fight about what each one teaches, but about finding the common ground and making this world function in a harmonious way.  I say I want this world to resemble what God originally intended, but others might say they want it to resemble what Buddha teaches, but what I know is that we are to quit fighting about the teachings and start focusing on the actions that will bring about change in this world… what I would call the Kingdom of God!

Talking about Confession…

I had an interesting conversation with Randy last night.  It was not a long conversation, but it was a conversation with a lot of substance and a lot to think about.  Randy and I do not think the same when it comes to religion or faith, but the way we dissect things is the same because we like to get to the root of the issue and look at the issue in its simplistic form.  I think that a lot of times we tend to complicate our faith and over analyze it that is why people get discouraged in what they hear.  I enjoy my time of conversation with Randy because it is a different experience than what I would find here at ACU.  I realize that the book calls for a lot of things that you can find with a Christian conversation partner (prayer, talk about certain issues of the faith, and reflection of experiences, etc.) but the time of conversation that I spend with Randy is one of constantly being challenged.  I am challenged by the way I think and what I believe.  I am not challenged in a way that I doubt what I believe, but I am challenged to think deeper of my faith and give it more substance.  It is through conversation with Randy that I have found I am able to articulate what it is that I believe and challenge others in what they believe. 

Last night’s conversation dealt with the topic of confession of which I practice my way and Randy practices his own way.  I practice confession in the sense that I recognize my sin (s) and go before the Father and ask for forgiveness.  I do not practice what I used to when I was a Catholic that I used to go before a priest and “confess” every evil I had ever done and hoped that I could find God’s forgiveness through him.  Confession was about going before a man and finding grace through that one man and having to do something to prove that I deserved it.  Now, in my faith, I do not like to go by the title of Christian because it carries a whole different load, but I consider myself a follower of Christ.  I believe in Christ and the sacrifice that he paid for me and I believe that it is through him that I can reach the Father.  Therefore in my faith I recognize my sin (by name) and bring it up to the Father for forgiveness.

Randy does not practice confession the same way I do.  Randy does not see the need to confess the same way I do because he sees it as a ritual that is unnecessary.  To him, confession is but a thought process.  He too grew up Catholic and saw confession in the sense of going before a priest and asking for forgiveness.  But to Randy, confession is about acknowledging that something wrong or bad was done and doing something about it.  Confession is about a bigger change within the person.  Confession is about a personal thing that one is to do on an individual basis.  Confession is not something that you are to tell others about (unless you feel comfortable about it).  Confession to Randy is about recognizing that something has happened and doing something about it.

The thought that got my attention when talking to Randy was when he mentioned that confession is about recognising what is done and doing something about it.  But the idea that God already knows about it (since He is all-knowing and powerful) one does not have to go before him and confess something he already knows.  The idea that since we recognize what we have done and we do something to change that for the better then God already knows and sees that and recognizes that we are doing a change in our lives.  By us acknowledging that there is a wrong we are confessing before God.  This is a simplistic was of doing it.  We are to still recognize the “evil deed” by name and change the way we live our lives. 

According to the Peace, confession is repentance actualized.  To see an issue is one thing, to deal with it is another.  The dynamics of repentance involve two things: naming and confessing.  Repentance begins with insight that leads to naming the issue.  I like the idea of naming the specifics of confession because through it one can recognize what it is that they have done wrong.  It is through being specific on the sin that we recognize what it is that we have done and we can do something about it, and like Randy said, “Not cause harm to the self”. 

I agree with Randy’s idea that God already knows what we have done and that he recognizes that we are doing something about it, but I still believe that we are to come before Him and confess what we have done.  It is like our parents, they might know that we stole the gum from the store, but they want us to admit it and recognize our wrong action.  It is not that they are not going to forgive us if we do not come up to them, but they want to know that we recognize what it is that we did.  I know I cannot compare God to a simple gum stealing parent confessing story, but the idea is that God wants us to recognize and go to Him.  God want us to be dependant on Him, not slaves to him, but he wants us to rely on Him for forgiveness and grace.  God allows us to use our free will, but he also wants us to depend on Him and confess.

I see and understand what Randy is saying and I am curious about how that would play a role in our faith?  Is it logical for me to think that in my faith I do not have to confess because God already knows about it?  Is confession just a complication of my faith, or any ones faith?  Is confession even necessary?  What role does grace play into confession?  How much grace is too much grace?  Is there a limit to grace and confession? 

I am encouraged because I am challenged by thoughts like these after a conversation with Randy.  I never thought that the idea of confession would strike such a curiosity to find answers to my faith.  

Talking about Repentance…

Webster’s Dictionary defines repentance as “to be sorry; to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life; to feel regret or contrition; to feel sorrow or contrition for“.  As you might have already guessed the topic of this post post is about repentance.  Repentance is such a delicate issue because it goes hand in hand with sin and the definition of sin.  As I wrote in the Talking about Sin post, sin has a definition of its own.  What is bad or wrong for you might not be wrong or bad for me.  It is all a matter of perspective according to our post-modern society. 

For me, as a believer of Christ, I practice repentance because I do not want to live a sinful life.  I want to live a life that models the life of Christ, which is a sinless life.  But I realize that I am not God so I cannot live a life without sin because I am human, but I can find forgiveness for my sins when I repent because Christ died for my allmy sins, past, present, and future.  I believe that repentance brings one back to the submission of Christ.  Not that He demands us to be slaves to his will, but he calls us to a different standard than the rest of the world.  For me, repentance is more than just feeling bad about doing something bad.  Repentance is about recognizing that something bad was done which is followed by the desire to live a better life.

While talking to Randy about repentance he mentioned that one word (repentance) does not acknowledge the essence of what the word means because it is about a combination of more than one thing.  Randy does not practice repentance in his life because he views it in a religious context.  He views repentance as taking place in a religious service, therefore he does not try to correct himself because he does not see it as necessary to ask God for forgiveness.  For Randy, “repentance” is about acknowledging that one has done wrong.  For Randy, repentance is not about the change that spirituality brings about. 

Peace defines repentance as changing our minds and about deciding to give up a bad behavior and replace it with a better behavior.  Repentance simply means “to change your mind”.  Based on this definition I asked Randy to talk about a time in his life when he had repented about doing something.  I wanted to know the hard times Randy had faced and what kind of decisions he had made to make things better for his life.  He mentioned that he had done a lot of drugs when he was younger (16 or 17), but he latter realized that he wanted something better for his life.  He realized that he needed change in his life and the way he found it was through maturity and different associations.  His change (repentance) came about through logic and being rational.  This does not mean that he avoided everything in life, but when he compromised his logic or rational (what I call sin) then he allowed the experience to take charge, but what is important is that one goes through it with wisdom in order not to do evil and hurt the self. 

Sticking with the theme of experiences and what their outcome is, we started talking about how our actions affect other people.  I asked Randy how could he be the type of person that would bring insight to others in order to open ways for change.  Randy mentioned he would lead others through knowledge.  he mentioned that through knowledge, leaders and intelligent people have guided others. He stated “do not take my or any religious word for it, but let your own mind lead you to your destiny”.  Which this idea is a challenge to what I believe.  It is not a bad challenge but in a way it goes against what I believe faith is.  Faith and repentance is not about knowledge because that means that we want to be our own god’s. 

The image of repentance for Randy and me is very different and we go about it in very different ways.  Randy and I recalled the time when we were Catholic and used to see people on their knees because they were repenting for something they had done.  Repentance has different meanings and pats for me and Randy.  Randy goes about repentance through knowledge and change, but I experience repentance through submission and change.  Both of our ideas of repentance bring about change in our lives because we know that the one we are hurting the most is ourselves.  We are both aware that our journey of repentance looks very different and we go about it in different ways, but we both realize that repentance and change in our lives is essential for our development as human beings.